8th Jan and stuck in a hotel….

Well, it’s now day 8, I’ve still not had any meat and I’m still booze free. Now, you might say ‘it’s only 8 day’s’ but for me, that’s exceptional!

I’m away on a training course for the whole week, and previously hotels, hotel bars and the local off licence would have been a trigger for me. I’ve brought tea, water and a few veg snacks with me, so there’s no need for me to go out! So there is a little bit of avoidance going on.

I did pop out to the local town earlier, only to grab something to eat. I found a Chinese take away and got myself veg spring rolls and Singapore veg noodles…..I’m really proud.

The more time passes I wonder which if my two ex-vices or challenges is the more difficult? I thought it would be the booze, I love a drink (I loved a drink?!) But I also loved a steak dinner…..the course I’m on has a lunch provided, it’s a hot meal, I just asked the chef for the veg option, didn’t even five it a thought! But I and don’t believe that it’s this easy, it can’t just be a matter of 8 days to kick the habit of a lifetime can it?

Well, onwards an upwards – day 9 tomorrow and another day full of temptation. I can’t avoid eating out tomorrow, it’s a dinner as part of the training, so it’s a real test of willpower.

Wish me luck x

Back to work

Not a lot to say today. Back to work after the Christmas break. I did weigh myself and disgustingly I am 108kg….wow! Heaviest I’ve ever been!!

On the brighter side, I’ve still not had any meat products and I haven’t had a drink!! You may well think ‘It’s only the 3rd January’ but when I attempted this for Stoptober I failed the evening of the 1st 🙄

Hope you’re well if you’re reading this??

N x

Sleep…..

Day 2 has begun. I had planned this day off to catch up on some work and get the chores done before starting back to work tomorrow.

In reality, I only got out of my bed at 11am. I had a fantastically restful sleep, uninterrupted by dry mouth syndrome and the need for water. I didn’t go to bed until quite late just to make sure I was tired enough to sleep without the need for wine to knock me out.

About 18 months ago I was in a particularly stressful job, dealing with difficult and sometimes aggressive people. It all got too much for me and I had to take some time off with stress and depression. Prior to this I was using alcohol as a way to unwind after a long day. Maybe a glass or 2 of wine or a vodka and coke before bed. Never more than a couple. When I had to take the time out, this became a bottle of wine or 4/5 vodkas. I had no reason to go to bed early, I had no reason to get out of bed. Most of the drinking happened when my partner went to bed. I knew I was drinking too much – I didn’t try to stop.

I was self-medicating to numb the pain in my head, to deal with the stress of not being able to work and just to get me through the day. I didn’t drink in the day, so that was ok wasn’t it? I did encourage my partner to have an early night though, so I could then have a drink.

Anyway, it’s day 2. I don’t want a drink but I am obviously thinking about it. I have just eaten scrambled egg on toast so still no meat either! That’s a whole other story which I’ll move onto at some point!

Have a good day all

N x

Update @ 1610hrs: I have bitten the bullet and finally been to the gym! I just swam for 40 minutes (38 lengths). Very enjoyable!!

1st Jan 2019…day 1

Well, here we go…..the start of a new year! I’ve had a fantastic Christmas break and I’ve eaten far too much! I’ve also been drinking every day….but actually, I can’t remember the last day that I didn’t have at least one alcoholic drink.

So, as is tradition at this time of year, I’ve set myself a couple of resolutions. I’m embarking on ‘Dry January’ with the intention being to break this cycle I’m stuck in and I’m also going to attempt to be meat free for the whole month as well.

I want to do this to improve my overall health and I need to lose weight. I’ve struggled the whole of my adult life with my weight, fluctuating from 70kg up to 106kg.

I don’t consider myself to have a drink ing problem, I go to work, I live my life and I would never take a risk with drinking and driving. But, I have found myself thinking about drinking more and more.

Over the coming weeks I am hoping to see changes in myself, my wellbeing, my overall outlook on life and I am also going to try and explore some of the reasons I think I have become more and more reliant on that glass of wine to relax.

I don’t know if anyone will read this – I’m not sure I even care to be honest. I’m doing this for me and to give me a chance to reflect on the daily struggles as I look to move through this and come out the other side!

If you are with me – then ‘Welcome’ and I’d love to hear from you.

All the best for your 2019 resolutions.

N x